Our fourth baby was definitely a surprise! We really wanted another, but just didn't expect it. Especially so soon! When we found out, my husband and I hoped and prayed for a girl. At 16 weeks, 3 days, I had an unexpected ultrasound to check in and make sure the baby was ok because I had a terrible stomach virus, was extremely dehydrated and contracting. The ultrasound technician, bless her heart, accidentally informed me that we were having a girl! I was ecstatic because its exactly what my husband was hoping for. I of course did too because I have an 8 year old daughter, 4 year old son and a 2 year old son at home. Having another girl would be the perfect ending of my pregnancy ventures. I was "done". I wanted to get my tubes tied after the delivery. I also wanted to "re-do" the whole baby girl experience since I was so young and financially unable to really enjoy my first born. I missed out on so much because I was too busy working and with college. I regret it, but I had to survive and try to give us a better life since the father of my first two wasn't "on-board" with life goals. My now husband and I have our two year old son together and having another little girl to add to our growing family would be ideal. We told our family and friends the news, bought a few outfits to make it feel official and started dreaming up her gorgeous vintage nursery. We even picked out her name. A name that I always wanted for my baby girl and was unable to use the first time around because my ex hated it. Lillian Grace was to be this little girl's name, a name I honestly had in my mind since I was seven years old! I named all my babydolls' Lilly. We were on cloud nine. Even though we told close family and a select few of friends, something inside me told me to wait to announce it. Well, turns out my intuition didn't steer me wrong. Unfortunately, we found out that Lilly was in fact a little boy at the anatomy and gender ultrasound at 21 weeks. We were crushed. My husband put his head down, and I will admit it, I cried. My heart sank and all those ideas I had in my mind about her pink and gray vintage nursery went right out the window with the name I had picked out since I was a little girl. I know it may seem horrible, but finding out it was a boy hurt. Boys are hard work and the two we already have are a handful. I love all my children more than air, but truth is the truth. I do have everything I would need for a boy since my youngest just turned 2. And I do enjoy all the little mischievous games boys play, the sports, the giggles. After thinking about it and letting the fact we are having another boy really sink in, I am kind of grateful that we are having another boy to add to our team. After a few days, the heartache faded away. We jokingly said we would name this one after my husband since we didn't with our first, but we still honestly don't have a name picked out just yet. There is still time. My husband still wants a baby girl, so the idea of getting my tubes tied seemed to fade away just as quick as the heartache of "losing Lilly." We can try again. God may have different plans for us, and we will find out in due time, but sure does ease my mind because I was honestly terrified of "closing up shop". Everything happens for a reason and God has big plans for this little boy kicking away as I type this. His due date just so happens to be around Christmas, so he is nothing but a gift from above. I can't wait to meet our little guy!
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I've had this blog since 2014 and only have two posts. (That I kept anyway.) That's a problem. I always wanted a blog. I wanted to be a blogger. One of those moms that put their life out there, not to be judged (which I am sure happens), but to share ideas, experiences, projects, happiness, love, and just living the best life she can live in this crazy world. To share the life I live, with my husband and growing family, (probably stopping after baby number four, but you get the picture.) I admire the brave women, (because it really is brave in my eyes to put your whole life out there for the world to see and read about online) that blog their little hearts out and in essence become a community all in its own that I yearn to be a part of. From an outsider looking in, it looks welcoming and warm with compassion for the ideas, experiences, and even problems that the moms of today face. I absolutely am in love with all the home decor bloggers, their ideas inspired me to get my home in order. I feel connected to the funny mom bloggers who make parenting and marriage seem at all times wonderfully humorous. I am so obsessed with all the DIY bloggers in the blogosphere that make a pottery barn and restoration hardware catalog look like an arts and crafts book for dummies. I am head over heels in love with all of the creative women who wake up every morning, pour their hot cup of coffee in their cute trendy mugs, turn on their tablets and laptops, and then open up their hearts and homes up to the world. I want that.